Buddhist Jokes

Laughter is the best medicine I have found, and no laughter can be more pure that that ensuing from a buddhist joke, so here goes:

1. A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws by hand. 

He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies. The head monk, says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son." He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot. So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing, "We missed the "R" ! , we missed the "R" !" His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably. The young monk asks the old abbot, "What's wrong, father?" With A choking voice, the old abbot replies, "The word was... CELEBRATE !!! " 

2. Why are there no good Buddhist blues guitarists? 

They have no soul. 

3. Simpering debutante latching onto Buddhism as a fashion statement, to make her seem more spiritual, holy, wholesome and chastely pure.... (think Paris Hilton on a zafu....)  meets Dalai Lama backstage, (rich daddy got her a stage-pass!) after his talk on attachment, materialism and the suffering of the affluent west...
"Oh Dali," she croons, clutching her hands under her chin, " i just loooved your talk thing with all the maroon robe and smelly stuff, it was so keeewel!"
The Dalai Lama, smiling as ever, bows slightly... bemused....
"Yeah, well....great.... anyway, you'll never guess what??
My daddy, who's a real big fan of yours, (he's bought all your records and stuff)... you know, he made a bet with me, and he bet me that if i can just get you to say three words, to me, personally, just to me..." *squeals in anticipated delight*, "he says he'll buy me a brand new arctic fox fur coat! isn't that just thebest..?!?
so what do you say, Dali dearest?"

HH the Dalai Lama pauses, smiles, and replies -
"Daddy wins!"

4. Why did the Buddhist coroner get fired?
He kept marking the cause of death as "birth".

5. One zen student said, “My teacher is the best. He can go days without eating.” 

The second said, “My teacher has so much self-control, he can go days without sleep.”
The third said, “My teacher is so wise that he eats when he’s hungry and sleeps when he’s tired.”

Have a blessed day!

Nike Skateboarding vs Consolidated 

Nike Executives on Skate Decks

The mega-conglomerate Nike recently entered the skateboard industry, and has quickly climbed to the top of the food chain, as they have done in other industries. This rise to the top is a direct result of  cunning business practices the corporation employs including sweatshops, environmental degradation, off-shore bank accounts, and calculated marketing tactics. However, thousands of kids love their fresh new Nike SBs, and the company is throwing down cash to its pros, and even offering healthcare packages. So is it such a negative thing that Nike has entered skateboarding? The answer is definitively yes.

Don't think so? Just ask Nike's business executives . . .

Consolidated Skateboards has since the time before Nike even got into skateboarding advocated against corporate skateboard anything. And for good reason. The Skateboard industry began with skateboarders who started small businesses and local skate shops, and has evolved into the multi-billion dollar industry it has today. Corporations destroy small businesses, and therefore it is much better if we keep them out of skateboarding completely, and keep the money in the hands of skateboarders, right? Damn yeah!

That's why when I first learned about consolidated skateboards, and their anti-corporate agenda, even as a little kid I already loved it. They came up with this awesome campaign to spread awareness about keeping corporations out of skateboarding called 'DONT DO IT.' The slogan basically meant just that, Don't fucking buy corporate skateboard stuff, don't ride for corporate sponsors, don't fucking ruin skateboarding. Great idea right? You know you sold out and bought a pair of Nikes. . . don't act like you didn't.

Anyway, recently Consolidated created a line of decks to showcase the CEO's of Nike SB, to give them the credit they deserve for successfully ruining skateboarding. 

Nike Execs truly earned their pro models

President of SB, Mark Parker

V.P., Sandy Bodecker

and Chairman, Phil Knight

The really funny thing is that this shit is out in the open. The Wall Street Journal even ran an article mentioning the decks, right after praising Parker for his company strategies. How's that? So good strategy is put all small companies and local shops out of business, and centralize the industry to a point where only corporate sell-out skateboarders are able to make a living off of skating? Fuckin right.

The journal writes,

'Nike's response was characteristically in-your-face. Global design head Sandy Bodecker -- shown on one of the boards with a sales projection chart and a brown nose -- purchased them on eBay and recently displayed them proudly in a prototype for a Nike retail concept store. "I personally was very pleased to be in such august company" he says.'

It's like corporations are proud of the way they dominate the supposedly 'free' market, and monopolize every profitable industry down to . . . skateboarding? Seriously ? These people should be shot.

The decks are cool, but not the first attempt at a consolidated product geared toward drawing attention to and spreading awareness about this cancer that has attached itself to skateboarding. Consolidated released a Nike look a like shoe, with a banana on the side several years back, when Nike was first beginning to plan it's takeover. . .

Why is Tanner Puking all over his brand new kicks? Well he got fucking wasted that's why . . . and when he woke up, there were what appeared to be corporate shits adorning his precious feet. But those aren't actually Nikes, those kicks were designed, produced, and sold by skaters, for skaters. Tanner is feeling a lot better . . .

The moral of this story is that basically, They Don't Give a Fuck About Us! Who's they? Why corporations of course. Who are we? The masses sucka. In reality, we have the power. Not them. . . 

So let's stick it to em . . . Stop buying their shit, and they will straight go away. I promise. Actually, Nike tried several times to enter into the skateboard industry under the disguise of other brands. Remember Savier? We ran that company into the ground once skaters learned the Nike was behind this dastardly attempt at breaking into skating. Fuck them. Where were they for the last 25+ years when skaters were struggling just to get our sport legalized? 

Need some more reasons not to purchase Nikes?

So inform your friends kids. . . Nike is bad for skateboarding!

Oh, and if you see this guy, punch him in the teeth.

Sandy Boducker

Egypt Under Sisi

Egyptian Pro Sisi Rally Protected by Military & Muslim Brotherhood Outlawed



Recently tensions have been mounting in Cairo, after the military seized power from the government held under president Morrissey. This faction, lead by the once general Sisi, although spurred on originally to seize power because of a large protest against the regime, has itself recently outlawed protesting without government permission. This comes directly after the military lead government declared the Muslim Brotherhood a terrorist organization. No surprise there, and I don't think anyone would really disagree with the decision to outlaw the obviously extremist organization.



What is surprising however, was a recent constitution passed under the Sisi-lead government with 98% of Egyptians voting yes on it, that would make protesting without government permission a crime, and also allow for normal citizens to be tried in military courts. These measures seem a bit harsh, but we'll se what happens in the coming weeks. Things are definitely heating up in Cairo.

How to kill a Corporation . . .

Did you know most of your taxes go toward subsidizing corporations? How can we kill them?

The answer is actually startlingly simple; Stop buying their fucking products. Nearly everything that is produced and distributed by corporations is of terrible quality and carries an opportunity cost of a small business that also makes that variety of product going out of business. I know you love your local coffee shop, but they are literally struggling to compete with Folgers and the like of Starbucks. Seriously, RedBox and Netflix have all but annihilated any last scrap of hope there was for small local video stores to survive, and I love those places. So I propose a solution to you: Lets kill corporations. I'll give you the recipe right now.

1. Pinpoint which specific corporation pisses you off the most, or does the most damage to people

2. Discontinue any and all spending that is in anyway funding this corporation

3. Tell many of your friends and family what you are doing and why

4. Sit back and watch the corporation of your choice grasp for it's last breaths

Don't believe me that it's this easy? I assure you that it really is, if you actually follow these steps. Now there is a bit of a trick here; Step 2 is going to prove much more difficult than you have ever imagined, because of how connected most corporations are to each other. (The safest bet is to stop buying anything that allows your money to wind up in the hands of a corporation) Also, Step 3 is assuming you keep nearly a million close friends who value your advice . . . I mean you’ve got a Facebook right?

I assure you that you can do it. So put on your thinking cap . . .  which will you start with? Sysco, Monsanto, of Dupont by chance? How about Nestle or Coca Cola? Really any one you choose is a good one, and remember just what a great service you will be doing for the rest of the world. Thank you, kind and gentle citizen of this planet. I salute you.

If you need some ideas, or another reason to want to kill corporations, here is a great one . . .

TEDxEastSalon - Bjarke Ingels - Hedonistic Sustainability

Hedonistic Sustainability - Bjark Ingels





Bjark Ingels is one of the most inspirational people on the face of the planet, guaranteed. He lives in one of the most inspiring countries in the world, and I have been constantly impressed with Danish citizens. If you are into these projects, and what is possible through design and architecture, combined with the idea of sustainability, check out his website . . .
http://www.big.dk/#projects

Thoughts From Within - Woody Harrelson

Woody Harelson

So, if you already don't love Woody Harrelson, I'm here to tell you that you should look him up. I really love to see those with affluent means using their influence to demonstrate a better way of living to the rest of us. Harrelson has been one of my favorite actors for a long time. He has the innate ability to seamlessly transform a fictional script into a tapestry of reality that is easily invested in. However, my personal love for the man was ignited when I randomly picked up his own documentary film, Go Farther, within which he goes on an epic journey on his bicycle. Trailed by a film crew and a fully equipped motor home housing a personal vegan chef, Woody traveled along the coast of California to different colleges, spreading awareness about sustainability, and the devastation of our nations forests. Amazing film. . . go check it out.

You can watch it free here . . .

http://www.alluc.to/documentaries/watch-go-further-2003-online/402137.html

Also, the man is an incredible poet, and has created a slew of poetry that touches the heart of the matter for citizens here in the states. We vote with our dollar. Every purchase we make is a vote for or against corporate control of our commons. Please make the right decisions. Check out one of his amazing poems. . .

http://youtu.be/Dj0GZQdCct8

All we can do is use our votes, our dollars, to vote out these malicious miscreant corporations. Do not give them your money. Do not give them your energy, and they will have nothing to feed off of. They would all crumble in a matter of days, if we all rise up and stop supporting them. They draw from our veins, like a vampire who has tricked his victim to allow the installation of an IV for a sustained blood supply. We can cut the cord. We have the power to fight the power. They are afraid of us. Otherwise, why would they make such an effort to permeate fear in us through the media. Lets send em running back to the caves they crawled out of tails between their legs. . .